Hot Frosty Could Have Been Hotter

The upcoming Netflix holiday flick Hot Frosty, which sees Hallmark movies queen Lacey Chabert make the jump over to the megastreamer, has a perfectly great Christmasy premise for some totally steamy PG-13 fun: Chabert plays Kathy, a widow, who magically brings a hunky snowman to life. Dustin Milligan, whom you might remember as himbo vet Ted Mullens on Schitt’s Creek, plays the titular Hot Frosty, whose incongruously virginal charms and blank-slate joie de vivre help the still-mourning Kathy learn how to fall in love again.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: How hot can a snowman be, really? Well, first of all, we’re not talking about the usual shape of a snowman that you’d usually think about: a smaller snowball rested on a big snowball with a carrot and some raisins shoved into the top to make a face. No, the snowman who becomes Hot Frosty is a straight-up Greek sculpture. Whoever made it is an artiste. The detailing is so fine that Hot Frosty’s abs are gloriously symmetrical and he has oval nips.

But what if I told you that Hot Frosty could’ve been hotter? There’s a new promo picture going around showing a Dusty Milligan with facial hair (see: above) — and listen, not to besmirch his infinity-pool jawline, but the dude looks so much better with that scruff. Imagine if the snowman Kathy brings to life had that chin bush. Dang! Hot Frosty would’ve been rated R. The question, of course, is what kind of material would work best for a snowman beard? Perhaps there’s some iron wool lying around.